How to Heal Your Relationship with Your Parents: Three Steps

Hello, hello! Welcome to another episode of my podcast. I'm Magda and today we are diving into a topic that I believe is absolutely fundamental. We are talking about our moms and dads and how healing our relationships with them can transform our lives. Dlaczego jest to tak ważny temat? Zauważysz, że najpierw najczęściej zajmujemy się naszą relacją z naszymi ojcami. To nie jest okazja. Jest tam dużo, dużo wiedzy. Z perspektywy systemicznej. Każda część naszego życia jest wpływana na mężczyznę, matkę, albo na mężczyznę, tatę. Więc zróbmy to.

Systematycznie mówiąc, nasza mama jest odpowiedzialna za nasze relacje romantyczne, nasz sens bliskości z naszymi ojcami i dziećmi, naszą relację z naszym ciałem i nawet naszą relację z jedzeniem. Ona wpływa na to, jak otrzymujemy i weźmiemy miłość i wszystko z świata, jak dotyczymy nowych początków i naszej kreatywności. On the flip side, our dad represents finances, goals, expression, clear communication, consistency and the health of all systems in our body. When we start working on ourselves, it becomes evident that we need to address our relationships with both our mom and dad.

Zależnie od tego, gdzie jesteś w Twojej podróży, ten odcinek może być dla Ciebie wyrównaniem gry. Albo przynajmniej to jest moja nadzieja. Zacznijmy więc od historii o tym, co kształtuje nasze życie. Co naprawdę oznacza, jak nasze życie się rozwija. I I like to think that the way we live our lives is influenced by two main factors. Our systemic history and our personal history. Let's dig deeper into this idea. Our systemic history. What our ancestors went through and how they lived has a huge impact on us. It shapes what we realize in our lives and how our lives look today.

So, were there secrets in the family? If so, what were they? How much did they concern? Were their people excluded? Were there losses, miscarriages, any abortions, tragedies? What happened to the women in our family? What happened to the men in our family? What happened during the war? What happened around the war? Were there deaths? Were there mental illnesses, physical illnesses? Of course, if we look at our family of origin, we receive certain message from them. Information that we are born with at the cellular genetic level.

My also inherit the traumas of our ancestors and this has been proven by a flentora of research, messages and scientific articles. But there is also the other branch that I mentioned, which is that the appearance of our life is closely related to our personal history. And there is no doubt about it. What we have experienced ourselves at this stage of prenatal life SORRY NOT SORRY.

Great grandparents, what happened in the far, four generations back. We first need to start with our personal pain. I sometimes I meet people who say, no I understand, I understand my parents, I understand my grandparents, I look at them with understanding. But the truth is we can look at these later generations, the generation of our parents, our grandparents, our great-grandparents with true understanding only when we look at ourselves with understanding. Because see what role and function we are put into by being full of understanding for the history and experiences of our parents, our grandparents, great grandparents, but not for our own.

And now it is worth answering the question of why it is really worth healing, soothing and mending relationships with parents. First of all, it is worth working on this relationship so that you don't replay the wounds that have arisen in your relationship with your mother and your relationship with your dad over and over again. The relationship with mom and dad is the first, most important relationship for us, which forms the basis for how we will later realize other relationships in our lives. If there was a wound in this first relationship, in the relationship with our mom and dad, meaning there was rational trauma in this interpersonal relationship, then we will recreate

Kepisia. Kepisia. In fact, if we are still stuck in the pain of the past to a certain extent, then we are living in the pain of the past to some extent, so we are living in our past to some extent. In fact, only a courageous confrontation with the pain of the past allows us to be more and more in the here and now and returns us more and more to the here and now.

So if we really want to realize our own life in such a fullness of life energy, full access to the here and now, then there is no other way to do it than to confront the past. Such a painful past. Another reason why it is worth suiting and healing relationships with parents is the fact that when we suit and heal relationships with them, so when at the end of the day in this relationship with parents at the thought of mom, at the thought of dad, we feel peace and harmony in our hearts. This is the moment when Znowu, z poziomu systemowego, zaczynamy wziąć dużo, dużo dobrych energii i zasobów.

Nie tylko z naszych rodziców, z którymi mamy uchwyte i uchwyte porozumienie, ale także dużo zasobów, które będą płynęły od naszych ojców. In fact, I could briefly say that access to the resources of our ancestors comes only when we have a healed and suited relationship with our parents. Because when we have a suited relationship with our parents, then we are open to accepting everything that comes from our ancestors. Another reason why it is worth suiting and healing relationships with our parents is that we heal relationships with our parents in order to get out of basic childhood entanglements with parents.

And only when we get out of the basic childhood entanglements with our parents, only then can we realize our own adult life. Many of us, and I will talk about it in a moment, but many, many of us function in a relationship with our parents. And I'm speaking from the level of adults now. We adults function in a relationship with our parents from the level of a small heart child. Many of us function in our relationship with our parents in huge dependencies and in huge entanglements. Do you think that you are free to go out into your life?

Because I tell a simple metaphor on this topic. If I am entangled, if I am in dependence, if I am in a wound with my parent all the time, then I am more than turn it away, turn it away from my life, turn it and turn it towards my parents, thus simply turning my back to my life. So this is another reason why we want to heal and suit our relationship with our parents because we want to get out of the basic childhood entanglements, dependencies, roles, functions so that we can finally Turn our faces.

Face our own lives. And finally, the last point that I would like to mention today is why it is worth healing relationships with our parents. It is worth healing relationships with parents so that the wounds from our own not yet healed past Don't hit our most valuable and closest relationships. And this I would like to emphasize very very much although it is a little bit connected with the first point that we recreate in life the wounds that we experienced in our relationship with our parents but I would like to emphasize it with this sub point that our unhealed past affects to

SORRY NOT SORRY. It is impossible that our unhealed past has not affected these two relationships. This is the space where I can guarantee that your trauma will be knocking you out.

Parenting or your relationship as a parent with your children. These are two spaces that for sure will suffer sooner or later because of your untouched past because it shows how you are in giving, how you are in giving love to your children. Kepisia. Kepisia. Your children will suffer. Your family that you create will also suffer if you are in emotional dependencies on your parents.

At this moment you do not see yourself. The truth is that we can really love our parents when we see them. We can love our parents when we see them in truth. Meanwhile, most of us don't see our parents in the truth, but rather we look at our parents through the filters of our own pain, through the filters of our own unnamed, untouched past. So today I think we are going to break down what it means to heal this relationship with your parents and what it means at the end of the day to actually see your parents.

I told you why it is worth healing relationships with parents, why it is worth working on relationships with them. So now I will tell you what a functional relationship with parents as adults looks like. What it means to have a healed or healing relationship with your parents. So the first step to heal the relationship with our parents and these are the steps that of course are not On our agency, which means that we need to take care of it. The first such step would be to name your experiences and wounds. And this is a step that many many of us no longer take.

Well, because we don't want to think about this past. Because this past doesn't matter as we often say. How to Heal Your Relationship with Your Parents? Kepisia. Kepisia.

I allow myself to experience it and live to see it. First I call it that and then I allow myself to experience it and live to see it. And this is really work not only from the cognitive level but from the level of experience because we need to. We need to experience these emotions from the past. To experience these emotions from the past to life. I would like to present to you the next steps in healing the relationship with our parents. That is we have named experiences and wounds. We have permission to experience and live all the emotions that we couldn't experience authentically there and then.

Then the next step would be to know and see how love flowed with the parent in the relationship. I always compare the relationship between a parent and a child and the family systemic in general. How love flows in the family system to a waterfall. The waterfall always moves from top to bottom. The water always, always flows from top to bottom. I have not yet seen a waterfall that would flow the other way around. So what does it mean? That is older generations give to younger generations. So our grandparents gave to our parents and our parents were supposed to give to us so that we could then give to our children, right?

Why so? Well, only if someone is fit. How to Heal Your Relationship with Your Parents? Ale wiemy na pewno z naszej własnej doświadczenia i z różnych historii, że kochanie nie zawsze przechodzi w ten sposób w systemie rodzinnym. Bardzo często jest tak, że to są dzieci, które dają się swoim rodzicom. That it is the children who gave to their parents. And for example, they took on the role of guardians, in the role of comforters, in the role of parents, in the role of partners, in the role of rescuers, right?

So a very important element in the process of healing our relationship with our parents is to name how love flowed in my family. Who really gave to whom? Who really cared about the stability of the relationship? Were it my parents who cared about the stability of the relationship with me? Was it me as a child who cared about the continuity of the relationship with my parents, with my mom, with my dad, who built bridges of understanding in my home? Was it primarily me as a child who built and built bridges of understanding with my parents?

However, did my parents as adults, mature, build bridges of understanding with me? And these are also big, often painful discoveries for us. The next step in building a healed functional relationship with our parents would be to look at and name what roles, what functions I have taken on and have taken in connection with this and not another childhood. But also what shortcomings and what resources I have taken from my family home. In every home, I want to emphasize this sentence, in every home, even the most difficult one in the Sims, we come out with some shortages, yes, but we also always come out with some resources.

Always. In any case, this next point, as I said, will be first of all naming the roles and functions and what I functioned and functioned during this childhood. Maybe I have developed the function of a lifeguard, a rescuer, a judge, a mediator, a parent. Always responsible. Always responsible. Or maybe I have educated and developed the function of a partner of one of the guardians. Or maybe the one that will always please. What roles, what functions have I developed and developed because this will be the roles and functions that you need to be attentive to.

How to Heal Your Relationship with Your Parents? So, when we are with our parents or when we talk to them on the phone or when we are with them, I don't know, maybe for Christmas, for holidays, it doesn't matter. I speak and I'm learning to speak all the time. I'm learning to take care of my comfort. I'm learning to take care of my safety and I'm learning to set boundaries. I take care of my needs. I care about my autonomy and I care about my