Stop projecting your unfulfilled dreams on your kids! Esther Wojcicki

MasterHub nie jest społecznością dla każdego. To nie jest networking. Tu nie ma szybkich rad ani gotowych rozwiązań. To jest miejsce dla dojrzałych przedsiębiorców, którzy chcą mówić szczerze o tym, co naprawdę działa i co przestaje działać. Jeśli jesteś na takim etapie, sprawdź na masterhub.pl. How do you know how to help children in different stages of life? Well, first of all, I tried it out on my three daughters. And it seemed to have worked brilliantly. And so then I tried it out on my students for decades. And it seemed to have worked really well with my students. So then I tried to spread the philosophy to parents and to teachers and to people all over the world.

So that they could also do the same things, so their kids would also be successful. I the number one thing I realized, and it's so important for everybody, is that kids need to believe in themselves. And so do adults. And in other words, you need to forgive yourself when you make a mistake. And we all make mistakes. Every single day. And we just need to move on and forgive ourselves. We need to move on. You try to revise to make it better. If it doesn't work, you just have to forgive yourself. Because we all make mistakes. That's life. But the school system likes to think that you can be perfect. And that's what causes a lot of problems.

Once I heard a very interesting quote that the most toxic things for the children is parents' unfulfilled dreams that they're trying to live through their children. Do you agree? Absolutely, I agree 100%. Bo rodzice chcą, aby dzieci byli ekspertami, byli szczególnie dobrymi w tym, w czym się nie wydarzyli. W tym, w czym się nie wydarzyli. Chcą, aby ich dziecko wydarzyło się dla nich. Jak wybrać dzieci, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich przeżycia, bez ich prze Even around the home, you know, instead of telling them what to do all the time, give them an opportunity, give them a choice.

And then if it doesn't work, let them revise. So that's my philosophy. No one does it right the first time. And so everybody needs to have an opportunity to revise without feeling bad about it. That's important. Don't feel bad, because we all make mistakes. Lots of them. And I can give you examples. So, for example, the bike. Who learned to ride the bike on the first try? Or who learned to swim across a pool on the first attempt? There's thousands of examples. Who learned to read the first day they were in school? It just takes time. You have to learn and revise and revise.

Every mistake is a learning opportunity. That's the way I look at it. No matter what it is, it's a learning opportunity. What was your biggest learning opportunity? Do you remember that? My biggest learning opportunity? I think it happened when I was ten years old. Okay. I zauważyłam, że adulty, bez względu na to, jaki jest ich tytuł, bez względu na swoje doświadczenia, They can be wrong. And you need to have the courage to ask questions no matter what. Even if you're a little kid, a child, even if you are somebody who is not as prestigious as the person you're talking to, you have the right to ask questions, no matter what, without being ashamed.

That was the biggest learning opportunity, probably in my life, at age ten. Did things change when you realized that? My whole life changed when I realized that, because I spent a lot of time just reading and understanding things. And then also I realized in school that even if I asked a question which everybody thought was silly or poor, that that was okay. Zazwyczaj mają te same pytania, tylko nie chcą je zadać. To był dla mnie bardzo ważny krok. Wróciłaś do książki o wyrażeniu sukcesu dzieci. Co najgorsze wierzyłaś, kiedy rodzice czytają tę książkę, że zrozumieją tę książkę?

To, co jest najważniejsze, żeby rodzice zauważyli, When they read the book is that your child is not a small version of you. Your child is not your clone. Your child is a separate individual and they'll have different strengths and weaknesses than you do. And you need to be able to support them no matter what stage they are in life. And that means supporting adult children as well as small children. And I think one of the big problems when people get to be adults is that the parents are frustrated because they want to tell that adult child what to do.

And I'll tell you, it doesn't work. So you can stop trying now. How do you support adult children? Słuchajcie. Najważniejszą rzeczą jest słuchanie. Bądźcie słuchaczami. Jeśli proszą o sugestie, to dajcie im. Jeśli nie proszą o sugestie, to nie dajcie im. Zatrzymajcie się. To pewnie najlepsze, co możecie zrobić. Bo chcą, żeby ktoś mógł słuchać. Może oferować kilka sugestii, które nie są duże. But they don't want you to really tell them what to do. Just like you don't want anyone telling you what to do either. I mean, they're human beings.

And all human beings have the same goal. They want to be independent thinkers themselves. They don't want somebody bossing them around. And so that is what I focus on. Supporting young people. So at the moment I'm working with young people between the ages of 22 and 40. And they're all young entrepreneurs in the US, and I'm also working with some in Poland. And that's my goal, is helping support them. And they're gonna change the world. Because this is their generation, this is their world now, and if they're passionate about it,

How can a parent tell if they are supporting the child's ambition or just fulfilling their own? Well, if you're critical all the time and you think your criticism is helpful, Which is what parents think. Then you might want to re-evaluate. And remember that criticism, you know, sometimes it helps, but most of the time it's hard. If you can criticize and then make some suggestions that might work, or give the child an opportunity to make the suggestions and revise themselves, that will make a big difference.

Myślę tylko na niektóre z tych błędów, które zrobiła moja córka Susan jako CEO YouTube. Na szczęście miała taką filozofię, że jest w porządku robić błędów i zrezygnować. Z domu. Z domu. Uczyła tego w domu. I w pierwszych 18 latach jej życia, usłyszała to od jej matki. I wtedy, kiedy uciekła na świat, She made a lot of mistakes, but then she never blamed herself. But I think a mistake that most people don't know about is that when she was working at Google already, Ona miała firmę, albo część Google, która nazywała się Google Video.

Czy kiedyś słyszałeś o Google Video? Nie. No, to dlatego, że to było straszne. I ona już spędziła milion dolarów na to. Milion. Więc musiała kupić YouTube, żeby to zrobić lepiej, tak? Tak, ona była tą, która powiedziała rządowi, że to, co zrobiłam, nie będzie działało. Nigdy. And we now need to spend another billion dollars and buy a company that has no track record. But it's going to work. And that's how they bought YouTube. But can you imagine? She had to admit that in order to move forward. And your youngest daughter is also, she co-founded 23andMe and they're having problems too right now, yes?

The youngest daughter had the same problems or similar. 23andMe. Niestety została zniszczona przez Dark Web. Przy okazji, bardzo wspieram tych ludzi z bezpieczeństwa. Potrzebujemy ich dużo. Z powodu zniszczenia zniszczyła się bankrupcja. Musiała walczyć, aby odwrócić swoją firmę. To była ogromna walka. Ale po, nie wiem, 6 miesiącach walczących, odwróciła się. Now it's rebranded as 23andMe Research Institute and she also has a for-profit part of it and she's working very hard to see what she can do with people's DNA to solve a lot of the health problems that people face around the world.

So far she's doing very well. We just keep our fingers crossed that everything works. My oldest daughter Susan, the one that was the CEO of YouTube, unfortunately passed away two years ago from non-small cell lung cancer. This is a lung cancer that people get when they never smoked. And it's actually the number one killer of women in the world, all over the world. It is. It is. It's more, more people, women die from this than from breast cancer and colon cancer combined. So it's a big problem, especially because you can't test for it until you are stage four, which means you have six months or nine months to live when they find it.

So right now, Anna, 23andMe, ma największą informację DNA kompozycyjną na świecie. Próbujemy zobaczyć, co możemy zrobić, aby pomóc ludziom zdobyć test, aby oni mogli być zareagowani. Genetyczny test. Tak, genetyczny test. Zdobyła już coś. And more to come, and we hope to save millions of lives, because there's more than a million people a year that are dying from this non-small cell lung cancer. And there's the Susan Foundation. Oh, there's the Susan Wojcicki Foundation. Which is focused on also finding a test.

And like I said, once there is a test and you can identify it, then there are already some opportunities to cure it. Early enough. Early enough, yes. So we just need to be able to discover it. And apparently the number one symptom is not coughing. You would think in lung cancer you'd be coughing. No, it's not. Not coughing. Susan never coughed. At all. Ever. Krótka przerwa. Już za chwilę obejrzycie kilka spotów naszych partnerów, dzięki którym możemy tworzyć te treści i dystrybuować je do Was za darmo. Wielu moich gości mówi o świadomym projektowaniu biznesu, o budowaniu procesów, które nie tylko działają dziś, ale pomagają rosnąć w długim terminie.

Do you ever ask your kids what they want to do? Of course. Well, you are probably already trained to do that. The youngest ones have a huge advantage over that, that all the mistakes were done with the older ones. But many people don't ask their kids. They just tell them. They just tell them. This weekend we're going here. And you're coming. Although we have something that my kids... In the beginning they didn't like it and they learned to love it. I call it daddy day. It's a day without an agenda. We just leave the house. We usually end up in a movie theater at the end or something like this, but we just go and I said, oh, let's go to the top of a palace of culture or let's go to the park or something like this and we do the next thing that we feel like.

That's a great idea. I like it. Yeah, it's called Daddy Day. For a reason I'm trying to balance the mummy days, which are very well planned usually. I think it's great. I think we should do it everywhere. Ale nie cały czas. Ale czasami przychodzą i mówią, że nie mieliśmy duchowego dnia na ostatni miesiąc. Zazwyczaj jest to dzień na weekend, tak? Zróbmy to. A ja mówię, OK, gotuj się, jest 10. To świetne. Duchowy dzień jest jak jajka. Nie możesz mieć go każdego dnia, bo wtedy nie jest wyjątkowy. Ale jeśli możesz zrobić to raz w miesiącu, to jest idealne. I don't think... We did a few daddy days, but I think most of the time we did kids organizing the weekend days.

I never tried it. How did it work? It actually worked out pretty well. They would figure out what they wanted to do. This was even before computers. And then how they wanted to do it. And then we would do it. Żyjemy w Silicon Valley, w Palo Alto. Mieliśmy plany, że chcielibyśmy iść na piwnicę. Mówiłam im, że jest zimno i zimno. Chcielibyśmy iść na piwnicę. Ok, idziemy na piwnicę, nawet jeśli będzie zimno i zimno. Zrobiły to, co planowali. W ten sposób nauczyli się z doświadczenia, że zimno i zimna piwnica nie jest najważniejsza. Albo może jest. I don't think it was so great, but you know, they didn't mind because they all were wearing their raincoats and running around and it's okay.

We did activities that they planned. So here's another crazy thing I did with my students. So I have the largest media program in the United States. It didn't start that way, but it is today, like over 700 kids a year. You started with 19 kids in 1984, yeah? I started with 19, that's right. But it grew and grew and grew. And then in the 19 about, no it was 2010 or so, I started taking students to New York City for a week. I took 52 kids every year. And the question is, what are we going to do in New York?

And I thought it was a good opportunity for kids from California to go to New York. They planned the trip. Everything? Almost everything. I mean, I had input, but I had them plan it. And the trips were legendary. Everybody wanted to go. Constantly. Actually, that sort of ended the trips, to be honest. Too many kids wanted to go and I could only accommodate 52. So it seemed like a privilege for some and I wanted to make sure all kids felt included. Also there were problems with I planowały to wszystko, tak?

Każdą noc poszliśmy na wystawę w Nowym Jorku. Podczas dnia poszliśmy na wystawy, takie jak The New York Times, Time Magazine, Vanity Fair, wszystkie inne magazyny. I wtedy robiliśmy rzeczy turystyczne, takie jak Ellis Island, i podróżowaliśmy po całym miasteczku. I wtedy mieliśmy subway pass, który był jednym z tych, gdzie możesz podróżować tak długo jak chcesz. And so we went up and down the city. It was a little bit intense. Tiresome. Well, you know, I tried to get them to go to bed at midnight. But you know, teenagers, it's hard to make them go to bed at midnight. It's also hard to wake them up at 10, yeah? That's right. But I succeeded in finally getting them to go to bed.

To była trochę... To była intensywna wieczność, tak bym to powiedział, ale to było niesamowicie fajne. Myślę, że więcej dzieci powinno otrzymywać okazję, aby planować działania dla ich rodziny. I jeśli robią jakieś błyski, to można im pomóc. Mogą ich porozmawiać, można im pomóc porozmawiać. Ale można zacząć z jednego dnia na weekend, albo nawet jednego wiecznia, jeśli jesteś przesadzony. You know, you can expand to a whole weekend. Is it also important that children participate in a day-to-day life of a household? That the chores, etc., that they do it? For sure. So there's a responsibility there as well.

Mleko było w małym kontainerze w refrigeratorze. Włożyli mleko sami i zatrzymali się tam na śniadanie. Zatrzymali swoje ulubione telewizjonalne show, które było na stronie Sesame Street. I przyjechałem tam i byli szczęśliwi, oglądając telewizję i jedząc ich śniadanie. Miałem porozmawianie z przyjacielem, i chciałbym, żebyś to opowiedział, o nauczaniu dzieci konsekwencji. I podoba mi się to, co on zrobił, co jest trochę ekstremalne, ponieważ jego syn wrócił z tenisa i zapomniał odpakować kawałki. I zostawił je przez całą weekendę. I potrzebował swoich księg na zimę na poniedziałek. And they were stinky in the bag on Monday. And he said this was the best lesson in consequence I could give him.

There wasn't enough words to be said for him to understand it vis-a-vis that experience of opening your backpack on Monday morning with all the stuff still there since Friday evening. That's a great lesson. It's a stinky lesson. It's a stinky lesson, but it's valuable. I tell you, they're not going to do it a second time. They learn. Of course. You have to give them that opportunity to learn, though. If you do everything for them, it's not good. So I have this statement where I say, the more you do for your child, the less empowered they are, the more they rely on you, the more they need help. You want to raise a child who feels capable and empowered, not one that feels dependent.