Beyond the Illusion: Why Cutting Off Doesn’t Heal

Hello, hello everyone! Welcome to another episode of my podcast. I'm Magda and if you are interested in topics related to awareness and self-development, this platform is the perfect place for you. And today we will talk about cutting off. Cutting off in relationships. Why cutting off is not enough. Why it is insufficient to end a relationship. We will also discuss the traps of cutting off, the hooks of cutting off, meaning all those things we don't take into account and forget when we decide to cut someone off. Zacznijmy od początku. Co to jest kutowanie?

Odpowiedzmy na to pytanie. Moim zdaniem, kutowanie to oznacza wyłatwianie siebie, zarządzanie czymś, zniszczenie związku z kimś lub czymś. So now, why we cut off. Often we cut ourselves off from relationships because we feel that someone is treating us poorly, that someone is not listening to us, that someone is crossing our boundaries, undermining us, sabotaging us. Inveying us, in some way insulting us or regularly crossing our boundaries. These are common reasons for cutting off. But what is the main problem with cutting off? We very often think that cutting off solves the problem, that it resolves the issue.

I repeat this. And we decide to cut off. This is our only tool. Znów, narzędzie, które nie wymaga, żebyśmy konfrontowali się z czymkolwiek. Narzędzie, które nie wymaga, żebyśmy rozmawiali. Jeśli nie chcemy rozmawiać, nie możemy wyrazić siebie, nie chcemy wyrazić siebie. Albo dla jakiegoś powodu, że wyraźność jest ponad naszą okoliczność, to cutting off będzie świetną solucją. The second pattern is a bit more complicated. We do speak. We communicate.

We talk to the other party. We may even argue and there is no reaction. There is no change. There is no change in the relationship. So we label that other person as toxic, manipulative, unstable or distraught. We decide that we will not continue the relationship with such a person and we cut off. Kiedy odbieramy, często odbieramy tę osobę i sytuację z naszego życia, co może prowadzić do destabilizacji całego systemu, w którym funkcjonujemy. Odbieranie się nie jest rozwiązaniem, ponieważ wszystko, co odbieramy, wróci do nas w inny sposób.

Dlatego jest ważne zrozumieć, że cutting off to tylko powyższa rozwiązanie, które nie uchwyci naszą chorobę. Poza tym warto zrozumieć, jakie choroby uciekają w nas, gdy zdecydujemy się na cutoff. What emotions accompany these decisions? We cut off from situations that evoke strong emotions in us, such as anger or feeling of rejection. Dlatego warto pracować nad tymi błędami, a nie po prostu uciekać od nich. W sumie, nie jest to wystarczająca rozwiązanie. Poza tym warto skupić się na rozumieniu naszych emocji i błędów, które prowadzą do takich decyzji.

And I often hear people say things like I don't care about him, he doesn't matter to me. This is cutting off, right? It means pretending that The issue doesn't exist. It means pretending that you don't care. Often we wear a mask saying I don't care. However, stepping back means first of all being aware of what childhood wounds were triggered when the father belittled the son. What difficult beliefs about oneself were awakened? What emotions accompanied those moments when the father said that the son was incompetent? What happened to the son's body at that time?

Where did he feel similar emotions in his relationship with his father before? What does he as an adult need to give himself in that situation? So what wounds do I need to work on here? Może muszę pracować na błędach nie czuć się wystarczająco dobrze, czuć się nie kochanym, czuć się tak, że nigdy nie wyjadę, albo błędem rejekcji, ponieważ to jest tak, jak czuję się z tatą. Then, perhaps, I could say to my father, What you say to me is difficult and I don't want you to speak to me that way. This stepping back, but not to rub it in the father's face or to prove that he is toxic or narcissistic.

Więc, kochani, kiedy możemy się kłócić od relacji, bardzo często robimy to bez szansy na to, co działało na naszej stronie w tej relacji, jakie błyski wnosili w nas, jakie arydusy i wierze były w grze w tej relacji. Zacznijmy od rodziny, ponieważ kutowanie rodziny lub konkretnych indywidualów w naszej rodzinie jest bardzo zwykłe. No, typycznie, patterny są takie, że najpierw kutujemy rodzinę, rodziny, albo jednego z naszych rodziców, a potem kontynuujemy kutowanie w przyszłych relacjach.

Kiedy patrzymy na błyski, które trzymamy, zazwyczaj znajdziemy, że są głębsze w naszych doświadczeniach w dzieciństwie. Na przykład, jeśli doświadczymy odzyskania i odzyskania od rodziców i nigdy nie pracujemy przez tę błyskę, to kontynuujemy stworzenie okoliczności w naszych życiowych życiach, które wracają do tych samych uczuć odzyskania i odzyskania. I to jest tam, gdzie koncept repetycji, kompulsji, wchodzi w grę. Nieoczernie szukamy związków, które pokazują nasze przeszłe traumy. Mam nadzieję, że się z nimi spotkamy i się z nimi zrelaksujemy.

Jednak jeśli nie rozwiążemy tych błędów, znajdziemy się w podobnych sytuacjach, raz i raz ponownie, często z innymi ludźmi. For example, if a doubter cuts herself off from her mother because she perceives her mother as manipulative or toxic, she may later find that the same traits emerge in her own children or in her partner. This is a clear indication that cutting off doesn't eliminate the issues. It merely In conclusion, it is crucial to recognize that cutting off is not a solution. Instead, we should seek to understand and heal the wounds that prompt us to cut off in the first place.

This involves stepping back to a safe distance, not to punish or prove a point, but to care for ourselves and our emotional health. Kiedy wejdziemy w ten sposób, pozwalamy sobie na przestrzeń, aby się uchwycić i wzmocnić. Wtedy możemy wrócić do tych związków, jeśli wybierzemy, z miejsca siły i rozumienia, zamiast z miejsca serca i defensywności. Pamiętajmy, że cel nie jest to, by się uchwycić, ale stworzyć zdrowe granice, które pozwalają na uchwycenie i wzmocnienie. And by doing so, we can break the cycle of repetition and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships in our lives.

Now let's talk about the three main traps of cutting off. The first trap is this. Whatever you don't heal, whatever you don't address will come back. If you don't look at your wounds, they will return. This is a key point. Peter Levin, który rozwijał metodę traumy nazywającą się doświadczeniem somatycznym, mówi o tych patternach repetycyjnych. Nawet jeśli kłócisz się z czymś, jeśli ten problem wciąż jest w ciebie żywy, zbudujesz sytuacje w życiu, które powodzą, że wrócisz do tego samego traumy. For example, girls who were abused as children might later find themselves in relationships where they are abused again.

Even if they think they have cut off from that past, they unconsciously recreate those circumstances. If you experienced abandonment or rejection in your family and you never dealt with that pain, you will keep creating situations in your adult life that trigger those same feelings. You will face the same emotions you felt as a child over and over again. The second trap is exclusion. When we cut someone off, we often exclude them from our lives. This means we want to forget about them, not talk about them, or downplay their importance.

We think this makes it easier to cut them off, but everything we exclude will come back. It will knock on our door again. Zazwyczaj w nieoczekiwanych sposobach. Wyobraź sobie, że twoja rodzina jest systemem życiowym. Jeśli kłócisz kogoś na zewnątrz, to to destabilizuje cały system. To jest jak grać w Jenga. Jeśli uszkodzisz kawałki, to cała wieża staje się szalona. System próbuje się zrejestrować. And that means the qualities you try to exclude will show up again, often in other people in your life. Finally, the third trap is that we usually cut off from things that trigger strong emotions in us.

We don't cut off from things that don't affect us. We cut off from people and situations that makes us angry or hurt us deeply. So if you find yourself needing to cut off from someone, ask yourself what wounds are being triggered, what beliefs about yourself are coming up. Just think about it. Now let's think about how we can handle these situations better. When you feel the need. To cut someone off, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself what emotions are coming up for me, what wounds are being triggered. For example, if a friend says something hurtful about your new home instead of immediately cutting them off, consider this.

Why did their words affect me so deeply? What part of me feels hurt? Maybe it is that little part of you that wants approval or validation. Instead of blocking them on social media, you could say, hey, that comment hurt me. I need some time to process. This is stepping back, not cutting off. It allows you to take care of your feelings without shutting the door completely. I really don't like this sentence. Old ways won't open new doors. What does it really mean? Is this an overhyped sentence that is supposed to motivate you? In which direction? What are old doors?

How do you Intent to move towards something new and beautiful if you don't heal the old. Or maybe the old past will turn out to be something beautiful. It just needs space for healing and understanding. And this is just in my opinion one of the weaker quotes I have heard. When we cut off, we often don't give the other person a chance to understand our feelings. They might not even know they hurt us. By communicating, we open the door for healing. Not just for ourselves, but for the relationship too.

To również ważne, aby zauważyć, że cutting off może stać się habitem. Jeśli znajdziesz się z tym robiąc od razu, zapytaj, dlaczego? Jakie patterny robisz od razu? Are you avoiding something deeper? We are not solving the problem, but we are really just pushing it away. Ok, now maybe let's talk about how to create a safe space for ourselves. When you feel overwhelmed, it is ok to step back. It is very important to communicate your needs. If you need less contact with someone, let them know. You might say, I'm going through some things right now and I need a little distance.

A mature person will understand and respect that. And remember, stepping back is about self-care. It is about recognizing when you need to Recharge and reflect. It's not about pushing the other person or proving a point. It's about protecting your emotional well-being. As you navigate your relationships, keep asking yourself, what do I need right now? What boundaries do I need to set? This self-awareness is key to creating healthier connections. And if you find yourself in a situation where you feel the urge to cut someone off, pause for a moment. Reflect on what is really going on inside you.

What emotions are surfacing? What past wounds are being triggered again? What past wounds? And this reflection can help you to understand your recreations better. Instead of reacting impulsively, you can choose a more thoughtful response. You can decide to communicate your feelings instead of shutting down completely. It is all about balance. You can protect yourself while still being open to healing. Cutting off might feel like a quick fix, but it doesn't lead to growth. True growth comes from facing our wounds and learning from them. So as you move forward, be gentle with yourself.

Załóżcie się czuć, procesować i leczyć, ponieważ w każdym związku jest szansa nauczyć się więcej o sobie. Każda interakcja może nauczyć nas czegoś możliwego, jeśli jesteśmy wdzięczni na to, żeby spojrzeć głębiej, więc weźcie swoje czasy, bądźcie miłe. As we wrap up, let's remember a few key points. First, cutting off is often a quick fix, but it doesn't lead to real healing. It's important to recognize that the wounds we carry will not just disappear. One need our attention and care. As you navigate your relationships with your parents, with your family, with your friends, with your love, keep in mind that it's okay to need distance, it's okay to prioritize your emotional well-being, but do it with the intention of healing, not just escaping.

This is how we really grow and create healthier connections. Also consider the idea of boundaries. Setting boundaries is not about pushing people away. It's about protecting your space and your needs are met. If someone consistently crosses your boundaries, it's important to communicate that clearly. You can say I need you to respect my boundaries or I will need to take a step back. This is healthy way to protect yourself while still allowing for the possibility of the connection. Because even when you are sometimes constantly rejected, you are exhausted and at the certain point you are exhausted and the only thing left to do is to set boundaries.

You set boundaries for yourself. You set boundaries in giving. Here you find your own limit. And I love the theory of exchange, which means giving is also receiving. When I give you something and you don't take it, you are taking away my opportunity to give to you, which means you are taking away my joy. By the way, love you girl if you're listening to me right now.

Ok, ale wróćmy do głównego tematu. Zmienić granice nie jest o tym, aby wyprostować ludzi, jak już mówiłam. Więc w końcu, bądź pacjentna. Chwila kosztuje czasu i jest w porządku wziąć rzeczy w jeden krok na razie. Świętuj swój progres, bez względu na jak mały. Każdy krok, który podążasz za rozumieniem emocji, to krok na lepsze relacje. W końcu, Cutting off may seem like an easy way out, but it often leads to more unresolved feelings. Instead, focus on understanding your emotions, setting boundaries and creating a safe space for yourself.

What emotions are coming up for me? And this self reflection can help you gain clarity and insight into your feelings. Additionally, consider seeking support from SORRY NOT SORRY with Kepisia. As you work through your feelings, remember it's ok to communicate your needs. If you decide to reconnect with someone, be open about your feelings, you might say I need to talk about what happened because it hurt me.