Beyond the Illusion: Why Cutting Off Doesn’t Heal

Hello, hello everyone! Welcome to another episode of my podcast. I'm Magda and if you are interested in topics related to awareness and self-development, this platform is the perfect place for you. And today we will talk about cutting off. Cutting off in relationships. Why cutting off is not enough. Why it is insufficient to end a relationship. We will also discuss the traps of cutting off, the hooks of cutting off, meaning all those things we don't take into account and forget when we decide to cut someone off. Zacznijmy od początku. Co to jest kutowanie?

Odpowiedzmy na to pytanie. Moim zdaniem, kutowanie to oznacza wyłatwianie siebie, zarządzanie czymś, zniszczenie związku z kimś lub czymś. So now, why we cut off. Often we cut ourselves off from relationships because we feel that someone is treating us poorly, that someone is not listening to us, that someone is crossing our boundaries, undermining us, sabotaging us. Inveying us, in some way insulting us or regularly crossing our boundaries. These are common reasons for cutting off. But what is the main problem with cutting off? We very often think that cutting off solves the problem, that it resolves the issue.

And I hope to show you very clearly In this episode that cutting off does not solve the problem, that cutting off slices, cuts but doesn't resolve the topic, doesn't resolve the issue and most importantly doesn't heal the wound that is working within us. What are the most common patterns that work when we cut off? Ok, there are two main patterns. Either we don't speak We don't speak and we feel a sense of violation, a sense of being wronged because we don't speak and we decide to cut off from the relationship. Because all the boundaries which we didn't express have already been crossed multiple times, but we still didn't speak.

We talk to the other party. We may even argue and there is no reaction. There is no change. There is no change in the relationship. So we label that other person as toxic, manipulative, unstable or distraught. We decide that we will not continue the relationship with such a person and we cut off. Kiedy odbieramy, często odbieramy tę osobę i sytuację z naszego życia, co może prowadzić do destabilizacji całego systemu, w którym funkcjonujemy. Odbieranie się nie jest rozwiązaniem, ponieważ wszystko, co odbieramy, wróci do nas w inny sposób.

Dlatego jest ważne zrozumieć, że cutting off to tylko powyższa rozwiązanie, które nie uchwyci naszą chorobę. Poza tym warto zrozumieć, jakie choroby uciekają w nas, gdy zdecydujemy się na cutoff. What emotions accompany these decisions? We cut off from situations that evoke strong emotions in us, such as anger or feeling of rejection. Dlatego warto pracować nad tymi błędami, a nie po prostu uciekać od nich. W sumie, nie jest to wystarczająca rozwiązanie. Poza tym warto skupić się na rozumieniu naszych emocji i błędów, które prowadzą do takich decyzji.

Tylko w ten sposób możemy The wounds that you had to cut off from, the wounds that made you feel that you could not continue that relationship, they are still alive within you. I would like to give you a few examples of situations where there is a clear The difference between cutting off and stepping back to a safe distance. This is also to take care of yourself. For example, there is a father and a son. The father doesn't acknowledge the son. He Now, cutting off from this father would sound like I cut myself off from him, he's toxic.

And I often hear people say things like I don't care about him, he doesn't matter to me. This is cutting off, right? It means pretending that The issue doesn't exist. It means pretending that you don't care. Often we wear a mask saying I don't care. However, stepping back means first of all being aware of what childhood wounds were triggered when the father belittled the son. What difficult beliefs about oneself were awakened? What emotions accompanied those moments when the father said that the son was incompetent? What happened to the son's body at that time?

Jednak jeśli nie rozwiążemy tych błędów, znajdziemy się w podobnych sytuacjach, raz i raz ponownie, często z innymi ludźmi. For example, if a doubter cuts herself off from her mother because she perceives her mother as manipulative or toxic, she may later find that the same traits emerge in her own children or in her partner. This is a clear indication that cutting off doesn't eliminate the issues. It merely In conclusion, it is crucial to recognize that cutting off is not a solution. Instead, we should seek to understand and heal the wounds that prompt us to cut off in the first place.

This involves stepping back to a safe distance, not to punish or prove a point, but to care for ourselves and our emotional health. Kiedy wejdziemy w ten sposób, pozwalamy sobie na przestrzeń, aby się uchwycić i wzmocnić. Wtedy możemy wrócić do tych związków, jeśli wybierzemy, z miejsca siły i rozumienia, zamiast z miejsca serca i defensywności. Pamiętajmy, że cel nie jest to, by się uchwycić, ale stworzyć zdrowe granice, które pozwalają na uchwycenie i wzmocnienie. And by doing so, we can break the cycle of repetition and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships in our lives.

Now let's talk about the three main traps of cutting off. The first trap is this. Whatever you don't heal, whatever you don't address will come back. If you don't look at your wounds, they will return. This is a key point. Peter Levin, który rozwijał metodę traumy nazywającą się doświadczeniem somatycznym, mówi o tych patternach repetycyjnych. Nawet jeśli kłócisz się z czymś, jeśli ten problem wciąż jest w ciebie żywy, zbudujesz sytuacje w życiu, które powodzą, że wrócisz do tego samego traumy. For example, girls who were abused as children might later find themselves in relationships where they are abused again.

Even if they think they have cut off from that past, they unconsciously recreate those circumstances. If you experienced abandonment or rejection in your family and you never dealt with that pain, you will keep creating situations in your adult life that trigger those same feelings. You will face the same emotions you felt as a child over and over again. The second trap is exclusion. When we cut someone off, we often exclude them from our lives. This means we want to forget about them, not talk about them, or downplay their importance.

We don't cut off from things that don't affect us. We cut off from people and situations that makes us angry or hurt us deeply. So if you find yourself needing to cut off from someone, ask yourself what wounds are being triggered, what beliefs about yourself are coming up. Just think about it. Now let's think about how we can handle these situations better. When you feel the need. To cut someone off, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself what emotions are coming up for me, what wounds are being triggered. For example, if a friend says something hurtful about your new home instead of immediately cutting them off, consider this.

Why did their words affect me so deeply? What part of me feels hurt? Maybe it is that little part of you that wants approval or validation. Instead of blocking them on social media, you could say, hey, that comment hurt me. I need some time to process. This is stepping back, not cutting off. It allows you to take care of your feelings without shutting the door completely. I really don't like this sentence. Old ways won't open new doors. What does it really mean? Is this an overhyped sentence that is supposed to motivate you? In which direction? What are old doors?

How do you Intent to move towards something new and beautiful if you don't heal the old. Or maybe the old past will turn out to be something beautiful. It just needs space for healing and understanding. And this is just in my opinion one of the weaker quotes I have heard. When we cut off, we often don't give the other person a chance to understand our feelings. They might not even know they hurt us. By communicating, we open the door for healing. Not just for ourselves, but for the relationship too.

A mature person will understand and respect that. And remember, stepping back is about self-care. It is about recognizing when you need to Recharge and reflect. It's not about pushing the other person or proving a point. It's about protecting your emotional well-being. As you navigate your relationships, keep asking yourself, what do I need right now? What boundaries do I need to set? This self-awareness is key to creating healthier connections. And if you find yourself in a situation where you feel the urge to cut someone off, pause for a moment. Reflect on what is really going on inside you.

What emotions are surfacing? What past wounds are being triggered again? What past wounds? And this reflection can help you to understand your recreations better. Instead of reacting impulsively, you can choose a more thoughtful response. You can decide to communicate your feelings instead of shutting down completely. It is all about balance. You can protect yourself while still being open to healing. Cutting off might feel like a quick fix, but it doesn't lead to growth. True growth comes from facing our wounds and learning from them. So as you move forward, be gentle with yourself.

Załóżcie się czuć, procesować i leczyć, ponieważ w każdym związku jest szansa nauczyć się więcej o sobie. Każda interakcja może nauczyć nas czegoś możliwego, jeśli jesteśmy wdzięczni na to, żeby spojrzeć głębiej, więc weźcie swoje czasy, bądźcie miłe. As we wrap up, let's remember a few key points. First, cutting off is often a quick fix, but it doesn't lead to real healing. It's important to recognize that the wounds we carry will not just disappear. One need our attention and care. As you navigate your relationships with your parents, with your family, with your friends, with your love, keep in mind that it's okay to need distance, it's okay to prioritize your emotional well-being, but do it with the intention of healing, not just escaping.

This is how we really grow and create healthier connections. Also consider the idea of boundaries. Setting boundaries is not about pushing people away. It's about protecting your space and your needs are met. If someone consistently crosses your boundaries, it's important to communicate that clearly. You can say I need you to respect my boundaries or I will need to take a step back. This is healthy way to protect yourself while still allowing for the possibility of the connection. Because even when you are sometimes constantly rejected, you are exhausted and at the certain point you are exhausted and the only thing left to do is to set boundaries.

You set boundaries for yourself. You set boundaries in giving. Here you find your own limit. And I love the theory of exchange, which means giving is also receiving. When I give you something and you don't take it, you are taking away my opportunity to give to you, which means you are taking away my joy. By the way, love you girl if you're listening to me right now.

Ok, ale wróćmy do głównego tematu. Zmienić granice nie jest o tym, aby wyprostować ludzi, jak już mówiłam. Więc w końcu, bądź pacjentna. Chwila kosztuje czasu i jest w porządku wziąć rzeczy w jeden krok na razie. Świętuj swój progres, bez względu na jak mały. Każdy krok, który podążasz za rozumieniem emocji, to krok na lepsze relacje. W końcu, Cutting off may seem like an easy way out, but it often leads to more unresolved feelings. Instead, focus on understanding your emotions, setting boundaries and creating a safe space for yourself.

And this approach will not only help you heal, but also lead to more meaningful connections in the future. One of the most important things you can do is to practice self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate your feelings. It's normal to feel hard, confused or even angry. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. Recognize that they are part of your healing process. When you step back from a relationship, use that time to reflect on what you truly need. Ask yourself questions like What do I want from this relationship? What boundaries do I need to set?

This kind of communication can lead to healing and understanding. Finally, keep in mind that relationships are complex. It's not always black and white. Sometimes people make mistakes and it is essential to give them a chance to learn and grow. However, this doesn't mean you have to tolerate behavior that hurts you. So thank you for joining me today. I hope this insight helped you to navigate your relationships with more awareness and compassion. So until the next time, take care of yourself. Bye!